whispers in the wind . . .

"In essence, still in my conscious and ever supported inmost . . . days use to be weakening, hours hopeful, and min by min memories . . . now, the unsure is stronger and depth is becoming richer. Understanding will always be meek and regrets can not last forever ~ I am, who I am and that's all I can be."

One day I lost you - how did that happen? I had you. I really did. Everything in my grasp, but the actual skeleton. I still don't know what happen. I whisper in the wind for moments at a time, in hope . . . you heard me - one time, some time. Maybe? I look at that name and it kills me - like sharp pains . . . no! gasps of air . . . shock? What is it doing to me? I don' t get it. "There will be no negotiations." I'm told. But why - I keep asking. Standing still . . . Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind got me - to me. Happy is the man standing still . . . memories lost, joy with pain, happy with lost? I'm still pondering this very effective metaphor of the existing. That beginning quote - does that make sense . . . do you understand it? Did you see it? Did you contemplate it for one second? or are you numb to my existence now. Am I that mere memory. Lacuna, Inc. I wish there was such a thing sometimes . . . to have things . . . people erased from your memory so you won't feel the pain anymore. The hurt. The harbor. The way it used to be. The scariness that this has become for me! Am I ok? I don't know anymore. This person I view you as is twisted and unexplainable. Though NOT lurking, or medieval, or in a vulgar type viewing . . . just scared. SERIOUSLY. of what this "inspiration" has become for me and how it has affected ___. One day I lost you. I'm losing . . . my mind, wrapped up in ___. Listen to me . . . can you hear me in the wind? It's such a beautiful night. Trust the me, inside of me. The me WE met . . . a year ago now. The purity in heart that I KNOW is from God; It hasn't wanted anything but to say: I'M SORRY. BELIEVE in me again -

9/8/09