Untitled.

LOVE...my poet spoke!
Deep in my throat I choked
From dear if never feeling
The state that kept me yielding

Holding on to you
Through midnight days turned blue
Fickle matter states
Dirty
Fuckin dirty ach8

Promised me that love
Would make me, better?
Bitter!
Bothered by the time it takes
To heal my LOVEless mind

When moments I insist
To stay upon my list
Of things to do per day in haste
The taste of you I can't erase

My thoughts of LOVE and loving you
Were never loving me
Am I the one who can not love?
Or shall I love our history?

We gain control of all of us
When love can not create...

DAMNaged again!!!

DAMN YOU

I DAMNaged you

I am the damNaged history 

The past is now

The present was 

I'm tough as nails 

Not tough in love 

The tough love is yet rough and hard 

I stumble harder with every fall 

No picnic table in the parks 

We walk on subway rails at first 

On benches parked 

Side by side we walked and talked

Prolonged the ride

Across we sat

legs 2nd cast 

So close too close 

He grabbed my throat?!?!

With words that stung like ladybugs 

The love I felt, he's calm with words 

I anger needs attention seek

Cracked open in a sizzling beak 

I ran my mouth till hurt again 

The steady stare 

through eyes unfixed 

No drift away 

just steak and stiff

He needed me, I fall apart

I gazed in love 

But love was lost 

The dust that caused our lungs to close 

I never could clear up this hole 

Our world the world we did create 

To create a world like this 

I hate! 

I'd never felt a better kiss

His lips that never touched my lips 

He kissed me with his dance and list

His demands, his needs 

His Leo wrist 

His fervor and his mode: dismiss 

DAMN IT...! I almost said his name 

The DAMNaged rage has spoke: the Bitch! 

I wish I wasn't Queen of the Damned! 

DAMNED I AM 

and yes I am 

Queen of bitchy bonus lines 

That run and run and can't cool tides  

DAMNaged...age has slowed me down

Has made me frown 

I am the clown 

Emeli sang so fervently 

The clown, the one, confused and down 

He doesn't want A N Y of me

He sees me bad - bad history 

What's messy is my DAMNaged lies 

I just love him...why must I say GOODBYE. 

Sept 16, 2015 

Hide & Seek

I treated you...just like my own

The zone I keep at home alone

The very first moment you hugged me tight

I flew in skies like kites in flight

I never saw these feelings coming 

This ballad life I continue blowing 

These thoughts of you are overflowing 

Day by day and keeps on growing

I love you yes! Yes I do 

I wish you only loved me too 

This hereto feeling that I insist 

Was missed in secrets kept and kissed

Like waves and bliss

And summer weather 

You are the breeze

That holds me together 

Your the only one who calms my rest 

The ticks I'm talking 

the clock I'm stalking 

Describing you - I'm broken, walking 

Running past, forgive me mocking 

The more I try not to see

The moments that this cannot be 

I wallow in such deep disdain 

I refuse, naive naive with pain 

Though hurt by words 

We kill each other 

Like married couples, so undercover 

Full blasts whenever we hit each other

But months that past we need each other 

Who? This time will fix the ride

The day we drifted with the tide 

Just crashing, falling, bumping heads 

Too stubborn two!

We know we need the space again

Though sometimes, I just miss my friend 

My friend my partner my crazy ride

My lover in another life 

My only being that gets me - WE

The one I seek, then fall asleep 

People Watch.

I people watch their gestures
Their mannerism speaks
Glasses tipped low noses
A steady gaze of sleep
A finger pensive thinking
A dictionary view
A head tilt and a sigh
As tired, I am too!
I write
They read
I know
The journey leaves my feed
Who are they?
Shall I know?
A prayer to reap & to sow...?

March 20, 2015
12N

Invisible.

I found this poem that I wrote (a while ago) in a crumbled up piece of paper, in my bag:


tie me to a river and don't let me go
if it ever snows, at least one day I glowed
I touch someone, no physical
these eyes they bleed from thought
attack my wits underneath
my conscience, no love to mend
will lot allow me to subdue
will words throw sticks to stab and bruise
this was. . . now is, the very last time
the very last time, I think of you
the lines, the lies do not affect me
time, I do no longer see
the blue, the river I drowned in view
submerged in water, to hide the who
what I am
and why I cried. . .

let me float away
pass the stares
invisible
I want to go
I want to go
I want to go
Invisible.

Untitled.

Patient plummeting risks
drift on current lists
tasks that topple my courage
courageous pages turning
secrets shattered in midst
the silence in feeble lips
the seek of dreams moving faster
the promise of painful disasters
through speech of present tongues
withheld by computed tones
the 'maybe' matters leave lone
arrested hearts and bitter groans
though we try to move those rocks. . .

we try 
we try
we try

. . . but sometimes, we just stop!

HE . . . once made me smile.

If I were near him, I would say:

you make me smile when climates are winning
when life is so dull and has no much meaning

. . . our seasons had meaning.

you make me smile through heavy fur coats
i note how my glove is held under your throat

you make me smile when no one knows how
this drama filled movie is vintage….
an old classic now

you make me smile through burnt bitter tears
fears growing rapid
and counted by years

you make me smile when nerves have been bitten 
and curve balls are thrown 
lost souls needing songs

you make me smile 
its me that you know
the one you helped grow
the one with the holes
----
the smile that you gave me
must never go back 
to frowning filled tongues 
running back to the sack
----
I smile because YOU... 
have turned my skies gray
have cursed at my tears, 
but have NEVER gone away!