in ANGST.

--------
I SEE them as I walk away
as I walk long side
as I creep up through the hall
Can't seemingly swallow my pride

I HEAR them loudly in my head
excuses to fill the time
excuses to make the hurt, hurt less
excuse me, can't sympathize

I SPEAK only when I am spoken to
if I to speak I'll know
just word in wrong I hear it now
the words spill out . . . love song?
-----------

I SEE how every thing unfolds
as casual as can be
I see I never 'let it go'
someone please address me!

I HEAR my pain is loud and clear
I suffer inside like death
no one knows the angst I feel
the way I hold my breath

I SPEAK to those I confide
Counting them on one hand
My trust is slowing filtering away
like short hair upon my head
-----------

I SEE I can not change them
I see they'll live their lives
I see that I'm the only one
feeling so [dipr] inside

I HEAR them talk about me
words so clear in my head
I play the words in monotone
an epilogue instead

I SPEAK openly and honestly
of what this 'real' is doing
but no one hears this quiet B
I wish this hold could MOVE me.  

Henry Ford Exploration in Transitions.

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." Henry Ford

True. 
----------------------------------------------------------------

[TRANSITIONS] 

defined as - the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another. 

It encompasses CHANGE. Change is what we are uncomfortable with. It scares us, worries us, challenges are mental habits. It makes us uneasy because we don't hold the sight to our future. It confuses us, makes us sometimes second-guess our choices. Here's what I see: Chapters Happening All N Gradual Extremes. Chapters can be as long or as short as we make them. Something that is Happening is continuous. Gradual Extremes mean that things don't always happen at once but they do tend to catch us guard . . . there lies the TRANSITION. 

A transition should be like a 'leap' into something new/a fresh new start to something better, something that creates growth. As we age, we are Growing into ourselves - our existence on this planet - why it is. There is also a care that happens in that transition bc we tend to be cautious in our approaches. 

Breakdown into previous quote . . .  All before the TRANSITION.

1. What did you used to do?

2. What happened with what you used to do?

3. What did it give you?

4. How did you feel after you got that?

For Example: 

1. I used to be a teacher.

2. I gathered a 'following' that respected what i did.
3. It gave me something to look forward to - to be able to surround myself with the people I loved. 

4. I was happy, yet burnt out and needed more...

---------- 

You can't expect to have the same responses 2nd time around. 

Life sometimes puts you back in the same the place in order to see if there will be a change in you or if you'll take it as a 2nd chance at Life. 

2nd chances don't always come back around, so when they do - we have to wrap our heads around them - figure things out - discover new things about ourselves. Exploration is never ending, always evolving. 

----
November ended - Chapter LA.
November started - New Chapter Chicago.

LIVING. BREATHING. BEING?

Breathing.
Existing in the physical body.
A must!
Natural.
Relaxes us.
Calms us down.
Awakens us.
Renews us.
Unseen the air we inhale.
The exhale seen in cool air.
Holds strength.
We suppress.
We hold.
Linked with death.
Deep in stress.
In spurts with birth.
Causes eyes to close.
Soundless or Vibrant.
Felt.
Still.
Paced.

Connected to the heart.

Living. 
'Photoshopped'.
Recorded.
Remembered - a memory.
Many emotions.
Experienced.
Sought after.
'hands on.'
Changes state of being.
Involving.
Evolving.
Reflecting.
Understood.
Scheduled or Spontaneous.
Fulfills dreams.
Soothes desires.
Spoken.
Heard.
Determined.
Predicted.
Personal.

Connected to the mind.

------and many more. . .

Some of us wish we could LIVE, but only have moments of BREATH.
Others forget to BREATHE and LIVE with no regrets!
We all BREATHE in order to LIVE, but we also try LIVING in order to BREATHE freely.

Seasoning . . . Salty.

As the seasons change . . . 

I rain when you leave me alone, as I spring what I feel to you

I snow the smell of baked cookie dough, as I winter how fresh and how new?

I fall back to give you some space, but leave as quick as I can

I summer/time have those heated thoughts, sweat off like the beach that I am

As showers touch my garments, in morning I say: DAMP you!
I shiver from cold disasters, no carrot to sniff all that matters
I breeze through days unknown, hope beauty erases this tan
I sunbathe in all that has happened, my howl holds 'footprints in the sand'

the beautiful flower. a vision. disoriented by calendar days
The white fluff and furry shield - [December]s misplaced in RAGE
Colors I never forget, my memory: Adult life . . . once children
I need a break from my life, 3 wks of fun-filled Amusing~

A daughter, but not a sun/ray - a shadow from clouds and shade
The salt I need to break you down, is the ice I need in my cave
The time the clocks turn back and forth, is the push I need from my schooling
I pool the art that comes from me and hope this dive isn't grueling~

Spring.
Winter.
Fall and Summer
seem to be out of order?
but when I think of FRIENDSHIP
I think about SEASONS gone under . . . 

Chasing Ducks . . .

I found this friend in a 'Landslide'

Played Dixie Chicks yesterday

A land full of things I had never experienced 

A GLEE that lasted all day

A land of 'life worth living' 

And love worth finding out about

It filled my mind . . . insecurities?

The lowest of low, hard filled heart

It revealed my 'lot of mistakes'

It hurt my ORANGE ego,

I asked you why? in letters long

Hit SEND, then no reply 

I go . . . I stayed . . . 

I dreamt . . . I craved

I hugged away awkward times~

I look down at the tattoo upon my arm

'One Chance' - No 2nd . . . 1 try.

I watch it hit me like a pin

dart down my seamless side

My breath grew slow unknowingly

as you walked, never looked behind

I followed you in my thoughts

I knew the outcome . . . end?

A friend I had - once upon a time

SEALED: my heart till the end

As the clock turns down, the friend I want?

Is the friend to be my side

the one who's hand I never held

I yelled, I pinched your pride

Hours and hours on the telephone

I used to hate that tone

To talk to you is something different

Again . . . something I've never known.

I always had in the back of my mind

the time this story would tell

I just hoped it'd be a happy ending

but alone - I tried, I failed.

I can't help but miss my friend sometimes

the one I pushed away

I'm sad to see you - GREEN & go

but I'm glad we held a gaze

---------------

Thanking the one who became my favorite person. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0ans1ukv4M