Untitled.

LOVE...my poet spoke!
Deep in my throat I choked
From dear if never feeling
The state that kept me yielding

Holding on to you
Through midnight days turned blue
Fickle matter states
Dirty
Fuckin dirty ach8

Promised me that love
Would make me, better?
Bitter!
Bothered by the time it takes
To heal my LOVEless mind

When moments I insist
To stay upon my list
Of things to do per day in haste
The taste of you I can't erase

My thoughts of LOVE and loving you
Were never loving me
Am I the one who can not love?
Or shall I love our history?

We gain control of all of us
When love can not create...

DAMNaged again!!!

DAMN YOU

I DAMNaged you

I am the damNaged history 

The past is now

The present was 

I'm tough as nails 

Not tough in love 

The tough love is yet rough and hard 

I stumble harder with every fall 

No picnic table in the parks 

We walk on subway rails at first 

On benches parked 

Side by side we walked and talked

Prolonged the ride

Across we sat

legs 2nd cast 

So close too close 

He grabbed my throat?!?!

With words that stung like ladybugs 

The love I felt, he's calm with words 

I anger needs attention seek

Cracked open in a sizzling beak 

I ran my mouth till hurt again 

The steady stare 

through eyes unfixed 

No drift away 

just steak and stiff

He needed me, I fall apart

I gazed in love 

But love was lost 

The dust that caused our lungs to close 

I never could clear up this hole 

Our world the world we did create 

To create a world like this 

I hate! 

I'd never felt a better kiss

His lips that never touched my lips 

He kissed me with his dance and list

His demands, his needs 

His Leo wrist 

His fervor and his mode: dismiss 

DAMN IT...! I almost said his name 

The DAMNaged rage has spoke: the Bitch! 

I wish I wasn't Queen of the Damned! 

DAMNED I AM 

and yes I am 

Queen of bitchy bonus lines 

That run and run and can't cool tides  

DAMNaged...age has slowed me down

Has made me frown 

I am the clown 

Emeli sang so fervently 

The clown, the one, confused and down 

He doesn't want A N Y of me

He sees me bad - bad history 

What's messy is my DAMNaged lies 

I just love him...why must I say GOODBYE. 

Sept 16, 2015 

Hide & Seek

I treated you...just like my own

The zone I keep at home alone

The very first moment you hugged me tight

I flew in skies like kites in flight

I never saw these feelings coming 

This ballad life I continue blowing 

These thoughts of you are overflowing 

Day by day and keeps on growing

I love you yes! Yes I do 

I wish you only loved me too 

This hereto feeling that I insist 

Was missed in secrets kept and kissed

Like waves and bliss

And summer weather 

You are the breeze

That holds me together 

Your the only one who calms my rest 

The ticks I'm talking 

the clock I'm stalking 

Describing you - I'm broken, walking 

Running past, forgive me mocking 

The more I try not to see

The moments that this cannot be 

I wallow in such deep disdain 

I refuse, naive naive with pain 

Though hurt by words 

We kill each other 

Like married couples, so undercover 

Full blasts whenever we hit each other

But months that past we need each other 

Who? This time will fix the ride

The day we drifted with the tide 

Just crashing, falling, bumping heads 

Too stubborn two!

We know we need the space again

Though sometimes, I just miss my friend 

My friend my partner my crazy ride

My lover in another life 

My only being that gets me - WE

The one I seek, then fall asleep 

People Watch.

I people watch their gestures
Their mannerism speaks
Glasses tipped low noses
A steady gaze of sleep
A finger pensive thinking
A dictionary view
A head tilt and a sigh
As tired, I am too!
I write
They read
I know
The journey leaves my feed
Who are they?
Shall I know?
A prayer to reap & to sow...?

March 20, 2015
12N

Invisible.

I found this poem that I wrote (a while ago) in a crumbled up piece of paper, in my bag:


tie me to a river and don't let me go
if it ever snows, at least one day I glowed
I touch someone, no physical
these eyes they bleed from thought
attack my wits underneath
my conscience, no love to mend
will lot allow me to subdue
will words throw sticks to stab and bruise
this was. . . now is, the very last time
the very last time, I think of you
the lines, the lies do not affect me
time, I do no longer see
the blue, the river I drowned in view
submerged in water, to hide the who
what I am
and why I cried. . .

let me float away
pass the stares
invisible
I want to go
I want to go
I want to go
Invisible.

Untitled.

Patient plummeting risks
drift on current lists
tasks that topple my courage
courageous pages turning
secrets shattered in midst
the silence in feeble lips
the seek of dreams moving faster
the promise of painful disasters
through speech of present tongues
withheld by computed tones
the 'maybe' matters leave lone
arrested hearts and bitter groans
though we try to move those rocks. . .

we try 
we try
we try

. . . but sometimes, we just stop!

HE . . . once made me smile.

If I were near him, I would say:

you make me smile when climates are winning
when life is so dull and has no much meaning

. . . our seasons had meaning.

you make me smile through heavy fur coats
i note how my glove is held under your throat

you make me smile when no one knows how
this drama filled movie is vintage….
an old classic now

you make me smile through burnt bitter tears
fears growing rapid
and counted by years

you make me smile when nerves have been bitten 
and curve balls are thrown 
lost souls needing songs

you make me smile 
its me that you know
the one you helped grow
the one with the holes
----
the smile that you gave me
must never go back 
to frowning filled tongues 
running back to the sack
----
I smile because YOU... 
have turned my skies gray
have cursed at my tears, 
but have NEVER gone away!

The F word

faith in faints
& fears that frolic
feed my 'find me'
free my flee

fists in fighting fools that fold,
full of frost-bit fury!

Fine, I'm fine
Ok! not fine
fix me by his favor

I fall far down
I'm frightened now
I fail
I'm forced to feel 

To fling, not cling, no feen is seen
but friends forsee for real

The flocks, the fruit, the flowers, the floods 
The fictious flattery  
The friendly fair-tales that be
Fervent in forgotten feats 


the father flexes with his fire, 
His feisty formula
my fortitude is falsified 
I fuss, forget the fun!

My flaky state: the "finish line" 
A forbidden food for thought
a foster child fishing flasks 
To mask her fragile flour bags 

Fantasies are fleeting fast...
Ugly flaws, an unhealed past 
Censored by the foggy floors
Killing fluent, furious flesh

Fiercely facing forward ... The finger at its best! 

(Work in progress) 

UNFORSEEN.

What is mean 
Is not what is seen

From blatant, bold exteriors 

-

Folds of clay just soft enough 

Cause your brow to go near her

-

In curiosity 

Complete 

Blank stares and heavy thoughts 

-

Counting days of a life dismayed

like clouds, no sign of drout

-

We come from yielding who we are

once before unknown

The one today is gone forever

In light may come from roam 

-

The unforeseen is mean you see

But see not what you want 

See from day to day 

What noise?

The memory, moaning stopped 

MUTeNT.

If there were no more seeds...

No more leaves
No more needs

No more weeds

No more dusk

No more dawn 

No more life 

No more light

No more dirt 

No more sand 

No more drops 

No more mud

No more black 

No more red 

No more hands 

No more plans

No more words 

No more reasons

No more seasons 

No more love

No one heard 

No more laughs 

No one feared 

No more tears 
----

No one moody 

No one gloomy

No assuming
No alluding

No igniting 

No inviting 

No relaxing 

No reclaiming 

No relating  

No disguises
 

No delays

No more vague. . . ness

No one listened 

No one heard
 

No one spoke
 

No more words 

No more muses 

No more music 

No amusement
No misuses

No impatience 

No more waiting 

No one angry 

No one craving
 

No more sound 

No one frowned
No, more, one

Mute, no sound 

Again, I will float

I will float inside the blue

Where there is no more crying 

The waves and tides
The atmospheres

undying moisture rising

Above the sea

and glancing up

with cloudy, burning eyes 

Has not emotion penetrate?

My body stiff in rides 

Alone, I'm floating by the shore 

Just steps away from breathing

Reaching out, I scrape the pool

Though drifting by, no speaking 

The sky, a heavy foam of gray

To mark this timely capsule 

I sit I wait I dream AGAIN

Imagine things moved faster...

The same pattern.

I
can not sit here 
again and again and again

And pray for no more breath

Imagine what is left? 

Who I want 

Who she is 

Where she's been 

What happened?

A mystery, 
by a glance 

As they prance unselfish?

Living lives
AMAZING lives 
Amazing lives and gay!

They kissed away the ha8e

Cheek to cheek 

They took a stand 

She somehow feels unwelcomed 

Unwritten 

& Unclaimed. . .

Forbidden 

Hidden 

Dirty drapes

in her negative rays

Blue and black 

And back to black 

Again and again and again 

The story never changes

Knowing every climate now

The feature 

The print 

The loathing, 

The blows the lows 

They leave her there 

"Do 
NOT 
care!"

Unbroken

broken

Un-stolen 

To be beautiful

The beauty I see

I wish it were me 

a daisy in yellow ~

Post modern groans

New modern tones
a simple approach to life ~ 

The memories once

Un-moveable
The moments of heaping shallots ~ 
My being, framed
so insecure
I murmur when I speak ~

Moving fast 

but yet so slow 

My luck of left? just leave! ~ 

I find my only interest now. . .
my hobby, movement feeds

Golden lights are dimmed down low
By tunes

My meek in motion ~

The laughter held at noon today

I woke to find some purpose ~

The life I wed 

where hours pass 
 I like 

'To do' by day ~ 

The excite at night 

To see [held hands] 

eyes

of fearless fight~

I haven't found the calm in me

But when my eyes are shut ~

I hide in every sleepy corner

To color a page. . . I must ~

I peek
but still unprompted by 
The beauty in this beast ~
her song is long
her lips are numb
her dreams . . .
of beautiful things.

 

The letter yoU

I love u 

I hate u

I rate u 

I make u...

listen! 

Believe in me. 

I am your missal 

I hear u now 

I miss u 

Don't wanna be near u 

I cut u off 

Keep u here 

But never can I leave u 

I need u 

breathe u 

Am cured by u 

And crushed by u 

same time 

My faults are u

I fear when u 

Leave and say goodbye 

My calm is u 

I curse at u 

I hurt u every time 

I create by u 

The harsh in u 

That cold that kills my pride

I write when u 

I dance with u 

When u are on my mind  

I wonder why my art is u?
When things get bad, u sigh

Can't be with u 

The thought of u 

Just u and me 

my 'mine,

HE with u 

SHE danced with u

It hurts me every time

u I can't 

I won't give up 

u I can't forget 

U, my blood 

But not at all 

u I made and spit

U between the T, 

tough times 

The V,

So valuable 

U create the D I am 

C meets D - who knew? 

The u in me 

The C I see 

The C is very different. . .

I worry u

Hurry u

at times, I wish
I were u

I smile when u...

Laugh when u...

YOU, my reason & my rhyme.