Pain vs. Joy

Question of the night:

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Can you get mad at God when you constantly endure pain?

. . . if pain is all you feel, then when does the joy come? Only for moments . . . "Joy in the midst of pain" - you've heard that phrase. How? Pain is becoming the constant and Joy has faded away. People say that "You decide your own destiny." "You choose if you're going to have a better day." "If you put it out in the universe . . . it will happen." What will happen? Suppression of reality. Yes - I think.

Now, I was never beaten or grew up in a broken home or was a foster child. But I do know pain. - And life's heartaches . . . Everyday - someone asks me, "How are you?" Do they really want to know or are they just asking? I don't think that they reaaaaaaallllllyyyy want to know. Bc you're the "Debbie Downer" right? Riiiiiight. You see yourself that way - I, see myself that way. But I don't want to be - when I see my friends loving life and experiencing things that I have yet been able to experience . . . it's hard (for lack of better words). I don't see myself like others see me - bc what others see is the fake me - the me that has to 'keep it together' in public. They don't see the real me - the one crying in the middle of the night, the one with no one to talk to, the one knelt down by my bed praying, "Lord, I don't understand . . . " - the one who feels like she's missing out on the joys of life - just to "handle" the pain. So again, do you get mad at God? Bc I'm a little mad right now. And the WHY - only few know.

08/25/09